what's your bottom line?

I read an article earlier today about the financial impact on productivity of cigarette smoking: "Early deaths caused by smoking cost the nation about $92 billion in lost productivity between 1997 and 2001, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported Thursday" (source: CNN.com). I probably shouldn't have been surprised that this loss of life had been reduced to a dollar figure, nor that human beings were being measured in terms of productivity, but this did get me to thinking again about the strength of the tobacco lobby.

Nothing new, of course -- just more questions about the bottom line.

What defines this country's "bottom line"? A quick read through the day's news, or casual observation of every day consumerism, paints a picture of more immediate materialism as being the central value around which we order our lives. While the core values driving the foundation of the United States were such high ideals as inalienable human rights and the freedom of self-determination -- "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" -- quality of life and of living have long since taken a back seat to bank accounts.

No one wants to outright ban tobacco production, because of the loss of jobs (votes), and the loss of campaign contributions from the wealthy tobacco companies (money). There are token gestures every now and then, like increasing the tax on cigarettes, raising the legal age for purchasing cigarettes, and banning smoking on airplanes, that are supposed to indicate our government's "commitment to health and well-being," but in reality health and well-being are routinely postponed in favor of more immediate economic concerns.

The two sides of this argument are fairly simple: Is it better to have healthy people (including current politicians and tobacco execs) out of work, or to have a workforce dying of lung cancer? Making the shift toward greater health would be painful at first and would have detrimental economic impact in the short-term, but you'd think that someone would have their eye on the long-term benefits -- not the least of which would be reduced health care costs. But even that $92 billion figure from the CDC report hardly makes anyone blink, it seems.

If I had any question about the current administration's priorities, they were quickly dispelled when I read a second article this evening: "U.S. President George W. Bush said in a Danish TV interview aired Thursday that adhering to the Kyoto treaty on climate change would have 'wrecked' the U.S. economy" (source: CNN.com). So forget that trashing the environment means future generations (only a decade or so down the road) may not have much of a world left to live in; what's really important is saving jobs through the remainder of the current president's final term in office. Beyond that, it's someone else's problem.

It's quite easy for frustration with these directives to slide into a more general and inert pessimism; after all, how much can one person do to make a difference in this world? Yes, I'm going to dive into cliché here, most notably: Think globally, act locally.

This is an invitation to take a personal inventory. What is your bottom line? What are your personal core values -- and how do these compare to those of your community, your employer, your religion, and your elected leaders? What would happen if you lived in full accordance with those core values, even for a single day? What would that day look like, if your every thought, word, and action honestly reflected your own bottom line?

I imagine that day would be full of magic.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. (Margaret Mead)

practice makes.... something

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine posted to our circle of friends about feeling painfully shy. After sending my reply -- most of which appears below -- to her (and cc'ed to the rest of our group), I was surprised to hear how many of us also engage in "practice conversations," whether gearing up for asking the boss for a raise, confronting a roommate about an annoying habit, or even gathering the courage to make a phone call to a stranger. All it took was a simple, brave query from one of our own to help the rest of us come out of the closet.

My friend had written specifically about have initially been afraid of meeting the rest of us at a coffee shop Meetup, about hiding behind books, and being intimidated by goal setting. After reading over my own response, it is clear once again how much easier it is to dole out advice than it is to heed it -- and we are so very good at giving the advice that we ourselves most need to follow!

In the interest of following one of my own suggestions -- that out coming out of my shell a bit more -- and also of the "greater disclosure" idea I keep toying with, I thought I'd share this e-mail with a more global circle. It might even do someone (other than myself) some good.

---

K:

If it makes you feel any better, I have often been frightened of meeting myself (the other Scorpios will likely understand this), especially as I dig deeper down into my own ever-expanding truths. Much of my fear now is a struggle to accept the wisdom that is coming to me, vs. my fear that I'm actually totally nuts and the fear of "what other people might think," and this has been getting in the way of my own development. It is simply time for me to let that go.

We're all afraid at one time or another, often more deeply -- and much more frequently -- than we let on. I have some favorite sayings about fear, but I'll mention this one here:

"To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another." -- Katherine Paterson

I have to be goal-oriented, to get myself moving forward toward something positive and productive. Otherwise, I have a tendency to get distracted and can unintentionally fall into a comfortable slump. I have Attention Deficit Disorder (high-functioning/non-medicated), and I'm also pretty harsh on myself when I'm not out winning a Nobel Prize every other month (i.e., when I'm failing to live up to my own superhuman expectations of myself), so it's a tightrope walk of self-nurturing while not being self-indulgent, and I don't always succeed.

I, too, like to hide behind books. I seldom show up at a Meetup or other gathering without some reading material in-hand, in case I'm the first one there and need to occupy myself. This is mostly so I can appear to have something to do, and hopefully won't appear lost or seem like a "target"; the book takes away that vulnerability when I'm out in open spaces, and people generally don't bother someone who is reading. Of course, I also enjoy reading -- and wish I had even more time and alertness for books -- so it works on two fronts. But I don't like that I still wear so much armor out into the world.

You are a great mirror for me, K. I already told you about how I used to be too afraid to call to order pizza, and how I had to carefully write out scripts for myself to use on the phone when calling to inquire about various services. Most people who know me today have a hard time imagining that, and they laugh when I describe myself as "shy." Even now, I find myself crafting various "practice conversations," to ensure that I'm never caught off-guard. I don't like this about myself. I am working toward being more present and authentic, being able to engage the world more openly and with fewer knee-jerk shields.

Despite years of hard work and facing demons, I am still living with fear, though there is certainly not as much of it now, and it is not as strong. We build our own prisons: "So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key" (The Eagles). Ultimately, we create our own fears and so do have complete control over them -- as long as we trust ourselves enough to see us through as we step out into the light. We just each have different ways of getting there.

Thank you for daring to share your precious light with us, K! You are dazzling indeed.

genuine intent

Year ago, as my first novel, "Rhythm," was in the hands of first draft readers, I went to work on a new book project about forgiveness. It was conceived as a series of letters between two fictional characters: a convicted murderer on death-row and the young daughter of the police officer he had killed. At the time, I got so bogged down in the minute details of death penalty cases -- how they are tried, the timelines and steps in the appeals process, etc. -- that I began to lose the focus of the story, and so I put it on the shelf for awhile.

There it still sits. I do hope to get back to it one of these days, as the story has a solid backbone.

What reminded me of this back-burner project today was this article on CNN.com: "Teen gets scholarship from death row prisoners' group."

Tuesday, June 7, 2005 Posted: 3:02 PM EDT (1902 GMT)

GREENSBORO, North Carolina (AP) -- A college student whose younger sister was murdered more than a decade ago was presented Tuesday with a scholarship from an unlikely source -- death row inmates from around the country.

The student in question, 19-year-old Zach Osborne, plans to become a police officer.

But I was struck by the efforts and attitudes of the inmates involved. Instead of becoming mired in desperation and bitterness, these people have chosen instead to have an active and constructive impact on the society that has condemned them. These death-row inmates from across the country have banded together to publish a newsletter, Compassion, whose subscription rates cover the costs of publication and help to build the scholarship fund. The newsletter's pages are filled with artwork, essays, and poetry contributed by death-row prisoners, and is devoid of information on legal cases or complaints about prison life. Compassion is a project of the Roman Catholic Church's peace and justice committee and focuses on the "positive contributions of death row inmates."

Osborne was awarded the scholarship based on an essay he submitted concerning his own journey in forgiveness -- in his case, forgiving his step-father for the rape and murder of his young sister. While his step-father is currently awaiting execution, Osborne believes that his personal experience with domestic violence will motivate him to be a better police officer.

"We would like to support him in realizing his dream of becoming an officer of the law and finding a way to prevent future violence," wrote Dennis Skillicorn, a death row inmate in Missouri who is the newsletter's editor, in the May issue. "Our intent is genuine."

Perhaps I'll have to bring that project of mine back into the production schedule.

medical marijuana

The Supreme Court has ruled that individual state laws allowing the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes do not supercede federal marijuana laws, as detailed in this article from CNN.com:

Supreme Court allows prosecution of medical marijuana
Monday, June 6, 2005 Posted: 10:40 AM EDT (1440 GMT)

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Federal authorities may prosecute sick people who smoke pot on doctors' orders, the Supreme Court ruled Monday, concluding that state medical marijuana laws don't protect users from a federal ban on the drug.

On one hand, this is a simple case of states' rights versus federal law -- and let's not forget that this is what started the American Civil War. A number of states -- Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Montana, Nevada, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington state -- already have laws on the books allowing people to grow and/or obtain marijuana for medical purposes, with the recommendation of a physician. The good news, I suppose, is that the Court's decision (6-3), written by Justice John Paul Stevens, points out that Congress can change the federal law to allow the medical use of marijuana.

Given our current White House administration and the political tone in this country, I wouldn't count on that happening any time soon.

In my opinion, however, the law against the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes is an outrageous violation of privacy.
The government is condemning terminally and chronically ill American citizens to suffer needlessly, out of nothing more than superstition, phobia, and an insatiable need for control.

In other words, happy Monday. ;)

As a caveat, I admit that I have no personal experience with marijuana, medicinal or otherwise, but I really do not understand the fear and loathing often associated with this "drug." As far as I can tell, this is a naturally occuring plant with no truly harmful properties, and which offers many benefits (including being the source of hemp for production of cloth, paper, and other non-hallucinogenic products). It is also my understanding that many physicians do not stand behind the U.S. government's claims that marijuana is harmful and destructive and warrants classification as a Schedule 1 drug under the Controlled Substances Act.

And yet, tobacco products and alcohol -- whose addictive properties and detrimental effects on both health and behavior are well-known and well-documented -- are widely available for purchase, with the only regulation on sale being that of a birthday check. Those industries, of course, have some formidable lobbyists.