keep on keeping on

I have been concerned about the lack of motivation in my life lately – at least, what I have seen as a lack of motivation. I simply haven't felt inclined to really push to get a lot done in the past couple of weeks. I've also been having trouble sleeping, as many of my friends have, as well. It has been suggested to me that this all may have something to do with May Day / Beltane, though I like to blame it on the switch to daylight savings time (I much prefer standard time), and the massive energy shifts that just don't seem to quit.

Given that I'm prone to introspection, I've begun to ask myself when was the last time I was honestly – and consistently – excited about my life. I suppose I keep waiting for some deep revelation of higher meaning, for a door opening onto the important role I might be destined to play. This is not a matter of inflated self-importance: I have no desire to be well-known, or anything ostentatious. But I do want to feel the reassurance of being part of something significant, part of an effort that is breaking down barriers in consciousness and understanding. Certainly, just being in a body on this rock is enough of a presence to have a real impact, but I realize I've been looking for more tangible feedback. I want to know that I am a contributing member of a team working toward something that truly makes a revolutionary difference.

When I was in high school and wanted to be an astronaut, it wasn't so much about wanting to fly in rocket planes – although that would have been pretty cool; instead, I had more of a desire to explore other worlds and to make contact with other beings, to help pave the way for our branch of humanity joining a more universal network of life and awareness. I found myself increasingly impatient with the slow pace of NASA's program, continuing to focus on little more than satellite launches and low-gravity experiments when the entire universe beckons. I was interested in breaking down our self-imposed limitations, and in pushing forward.

So I turned instead to religious studies and healing work.

I want to contribute toward healing hearts and minds across the globe (and beyond, as applicable), toward awakening consciousness and greater spiritual and scientific (metaphysical?) knowledge and understanding. I want to be a midwife for the inspiration of love and light waiting for each of us. (And if along the way I get to fly in a rocket plane or slide through an intergalactic wormhole, so much the better.)

Alas, this is difficult to do when I have such trouble maintaining that inspiration within myself, even if only for the time being. I am simply not certain how to even begin approaching such lofty aspirations. And yet I soldier on; sometimes, just to 'keep on keeping on' is the best any of us can do.